Look, I know we don't want to talk about it. 
It's certainly not a fun topic to talk to your kids about.
And it's surely embarrassing if you're a teenager trying to figure it out.

It's confusing.
It's culturally normal.
And now it's more dangerous than ever. 

This morning I read a CNN report that claims Oral Sex may now be responsible for more Oral Cancer than even tobacco.  Click Here to Read the Full Article.

Sure, I get it. 
This is a faith blog, and what are we doing talking about such things on a religious devotion?  But let's be honest, Faith is one piece of a whole person.  For sure, we hope it takes over and transforms us from the inside out, but while we're growing in God, we've got to afford the availability to talk about things that are uncomfortable.  And this is one of those.

Not long ago, I was talking to a group of teenagers about sex and dating.  I asked them what they thought, and how their school handled relationships.  I know there is a culture at each school that varies from location to location, and I'm interested in how they differ. 

This particular school was showing signs of physical activity above the norm.  They had a high teenage pregnancy rate, a high suicide rate, and kids were just "off."

So as I was asking, "Why do we date?  How do we date?  Why do we do the things we do?" One of the girls raised her hands and said, "Braner, you just don't get it.  Oral Sex is not that different from holding hands at my school."


When did that change?


Well, not only has oral sex become the norm at our schools, now it's posing a real threat to the long term health of people under 50. 

"Adolescents don’t think oral sex is something to worry about," says Bonnie Halpern-Felsher professor of pediatrics at the University of California, San Francisco. "They view it as a way to have intimacy without having 'sex.'"

Moms and Dads.
Friends of Students

We've got to start talking about the dangerous effects of sexual behavior un-intended in God's universe.  There's a reason Ephesians says, "Let there not be a hint of sexual immorality among you." (5:3)  The way God created sex wasn't just so we could go out and have a good time. 

Sexuality is a beautiful thing.
It's a wonderful gift.
It's a sacred moment between two people.

But the dangers need to be in the equation from a physical standpoint, as well as an emotional point of view. 

I've recently been counseling a couple on the verge of getting married.  They've poured their souls out to each other, and to me; and as we try to find common ground, one of the biggest hurts in their lives is the fact one has gone and engaged in sexual behavior the other didn't expect. 

It's so difficult to navigate future relationships when the past is littered with emotional connections capitalized on physical encounters. 

I know we don't want to talk about it, but let me invite you to the table where we can be mature and help teenagers find answers. 

My newest book is coming out May 15, and will deal with issues like this.  Be sure to be on the lookout for it.  Also, if you want to engage in the discussion, check out the newest teen dating blog By Clicking Here. 

We've got to engage with our kids before it's too late. 


  1. Hey Brainer, I totally agree that we have to have this conversation and be open with our students about what the truth is. I am in a month long series about all of this with my youth as we speak.
    Can you expand on this statement, or at least site your reference for “it’s posing a real threat to the long term health of people under 50.” I am curious where you got that, because it sounds like more of a scare tactic than scientific truth.

  2. I so agree with you. Our children need to know not only the dangers of certain types of sexual behavior, but also what God expects from us and how it can affect your marital life.
    I am also a strong believer in pre-marital counseling.
    Thanks for sharing.
    I would appreciate it if you would check out my blog and become a follower. I need followers. Shifra’sPostings.blogspot.com
    Keep writing. I really enjoy what you have to say.

  3. JSutherland: Probably due to the condyloma virus being capable of causing warts in the oropharynx; some of the strains are the same that cause cervical cancer.

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