A few years ago, I was in an intensive counseling session, and learned a lot about the nature of who I am. You know, those times in life when the "A-HA" moments take over, and something so obvious to others suddenly becomes clear to you? Yea, well, mine was a little more obvious to my wife and snuck up on me to slap me in the face like a ton of bricks.
I don't know when it started, but I suppose early on in my life, I developed a healthy distrust for people. I can't pinpoint any moment of betrayal that would have set it off, and certainly don't have a recollection of someone calling me to any moment of truth; but for whatever reason these counselor folks identified some interesting tendancies in my relationship building.
They said I created walls for people to climb over, mazes for friends to find their way through, and artificial tests to make sure people are trustworthy. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think I had any really big issues here, but I did have something to work on when it comes to developing friendships. Especially the ones that matter most, those in my house.
So at the end of the meeting, the counselor looked over at me and said, "Andy, you can make it through life without the pain of disappointment, but you're going to miss out on the thrill of close friendships. And…if you don't start working on this issues, you're going to wind up a lonely old man."
And that's when it clicked.
I was setting myself up for a life void of community. I was out trying to save the world on my own, and didn't need anyone's help to do it. It was PAINFULLY OBVIOUS.
So when I read this morning, "Trust in the Lord with all you heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." It means something.
It means, I'm risking my natural tendancies to distrust, and I'm wandering in places I know Only He can Help me through.
Only He can help me figure out how to be a good father.
Only He can help me figure out how to be a good husband.
Only He can help me understand how to lead college students.
Only He can help as we undergo this massive transition in the camp.
So, today, I'm focuesd on living life with the Lord. I'm working on trusting Him with everything I have. Risking all I am, in order that He might be acknowledged through my life.