No one is immune from it. 
It's the disease that strikes people at a moments notice. 
All of the sudden you're looking into a bright future, and BAM, out of nowhere something knocks you in the proverbial jaw.

This morning we got that kind of news.

Most of you know we've been working on adopting a sweet little boy from Africa for the last year.  It's been a tight rope kind of walk as we've tried to deal with political issues, social issues, and an home that we believe is one of the best care facilities in the country of Rwanda. 

Last October we got news that this little boy only had one relative, a long lost uncle who decided to give up his rights to raising this boy in favor of adoption.  Well, this morning we got a letter from the lady who runs the home…

"Lionel's Uncle came to visit him when he was on school break, and as we
were talking he told me that they were something he wanted to correct
and he went on saying that the day I meet him at the hospital when he
son was dieing and asked him if Lionel can be adopted that he was not
in the write frame of mind because he was loosing his child he did not
care of what he was saying."

My kids have been praying for months.
My wife has allowed him to grow in her heart as one of her own.
I've been anxiously anticipating a sweet 7 year old from Rwanda to join the Braners.
And now…our hopes to reach out are crushed.

Part of me wants to be the invincible leader who can handle it all and say I'm strong enough to weather this one.

Another part of me feels great loss, and sadness. 

For whatever reason, it was not to be.

Thanks so much for you guys who've already reached out this morning to comfort Jamie and I.  What a community we live in, where people from all over the world have made their prayers known, in seconds of knowing what's going down.  It is a privilege to call you friends.  Thank you so much. 

I know that God is in Control, cognitively.
I believe there is a purpose and a reason, in my spirit. 
I haven't wavered or looked down at the sea like Peter (in this mornings earlier post), at least not yet; but it certainly doesn't make it any easier to swallow when that lump in my throat starts growing with sadness. 

Life is messy, and no matter how we try to calculate and try to control it, there's always room for us to reach out with relentless abandonment and cry out to a God who we know cares for us.  There's no box to fit this one into.  There's no systematic way of understanding why.  It's just the way life is on this planet.  Sadness is a part of it. 

In any event…Thanks for your prayers.  To rejoice with those who rejoice is fun, but to mourn with those who mourn is truly meaningful.  Thanks.


  1. Thanks, sweetie, for posting that. I love hearing your heart about our adoption. . . especially when it is as sad as mine is (or as excited when that is the case). I love you!

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